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If Bob Zelin was a Movie Reviewer

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walter biscardi
If Bob Zelin was a Movie Reviewer
on Jul 25, 2015 at 1:37:24 pm

Appropriate that this reviewer is named Movie Bob. I swear if the Cow's own Bob Zelin was a movie reviewer, this is exactly what it would sound like.....

Walter Biscardi, Jr.
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Mike Cohen
Re: If Bob Zelin was a Movie Reviewer
on Jul 27, 2015 at 4:05:46 pm

WOW. I will have to watch this whole thing some time, but nicely done and probably very accurate.

But let's see how a movie like this could come to pass.

Adam Sandler still has some clout given his box office history though perhaps less now. That being said, I watched The Cobbler on a flight last week and it was ok.

Shockingly this was directed by Chris (Home Alone, Harry Potter) Columbus. Sorry dude, we know you've got bills to pay.

Written by guy who wrote a lot Sandler movies, and some other guy.

All star cast - that does not actually guarantee success.

On the plus side Digital Domain and other US-based effects houses did work on this, so it may be awful but the artists no doubt did some great work.

$110million budget - $24million opening - game over.

I may watch this once it comes to RedBox. You know, for the nostalgia.

Mike Cohen

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Mark Suszko
Re: If Bob Zelin was a Movie Reviewer
on Jul 27, 2015 at 4:52:16 pm

I have found the only Sandler movies I really like are the one where he co-stars with Drew Barrymore. Some kind of chemistry in those films that the others lack.

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Tim Wilson
Re: If Bob Zelin was a Movie Reviewer
on Jul 27, 2015 at 4:59:07 pm
Last Edited By Tim Wilson on Jul 27, 2015 at 5:06:45 pm

[Mike Cohen] "On the plus side Digital Domain and other US-based effects houses did work on this, so it may be awful but the artists no doubt did some great work."

Digital Domain did FANTASTIC work on this. I've got a terrific article that I think you guys will genuinely enjoy as soon as I get clearance on some pictures. It's typical for these not to be released until after the movie opens, but it's a great read. I think you'll get a real kick out of it.

This is the curse of every VFX artist: to labor like demons for a year or more, to expand the range of visual storytelling, and the possibilities of art itself....on a movie that sucks.

I know that there's a trope that CG = Sucks, which obviously has nothing to do with anything. It's like saying Editing = Sucks. It's a value-neutral craft, and some of the most VFX-intensive projects have work that's intentionally invisible to the naked eye.

But similarly, it's the curse of somebody who writes about the business to write STORIES about fantastic work on terrible movies. So not only do I have to fight against the noise of every other article on the web -- ESPN, porn, you name it -- but I have to fight uphill against you hating the movie.

For example, one of my favorite articles last year was one I wrote on colorizing I, Frankenstein. With a Rotten Tomatoes score of THREE PERCENT fresh, Pixels at 18% feels like a towering masterpiece of 21st century filmmaking.

(Although, for the record, audiences gave Pixels a 58% rating, vs. 38% for I, Frank.)

In addition to I, Frank, I wrote terrific articles (if I may say so) for movies that fell short either critically, commercially or both, such as Stalingrad, Hercules, Noah, Into the Storm, and Jupiter Ascending!!!

I happened to enjoy those last 2 in particular, and I did get to write about some great stuff (Grand Budapest, Maleficent, House of Cards, etc) but writing about those others was frustrating to say the least. Like those artists, I did good work on MY role in the service of a movie that didn't work out.

But you'll never see it, because my name is not, alas, enough to overcome your contempt/outrage/disregard/general thumbs-down-ness to get you to read a very entertaining article about really excellent, even inspiring, work.

The other thing is, I know a lot of these people. They take pride in their work, but they're also movie and TV fans. It KILLS them to do great work on crap. Really demoralizing. As I've gotten to know them, I've become much more measured in my criticism of movies. With so many cooks in the kitchen, it's a miracle that even ONE good movie has EVER been made, so craftspeople don't need me dumping on them too. The rest of the world can do that. I'd rather take pride in my solidarity with our artist brothers and sisters.

Anybody above the line, though, my knives are always out. More now than ever. I feel it's the job of filmmakers to do a better job on THEIR parts, in order to give VFX artists, editors, sound designers, art designers, et al a better platform.

Because they (and we) will drain every drop of blood from our veins to make OUR work work. Producers, directors, actors with power to drive a project -- them making better movies is the only thing that keeps us from draining our souls too.

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