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Production Haikus

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Mark Suszko
Production Haikus
on May 16, 2011 at 4:16:53 pm

When I said: "approved",
it's not like that is the end.
Five more must sign off.


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Mark Suszko
Re: Production Haikus
on May 16, 2011 at 4:21:13 pm

"So what's the budget?"
"Can't tell, just make a blind bid"
"What am I, Kreskin?"


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Mark Suszko
Re: Production Haikus
on May 16, 2011 at 4:25:39 pm

Your bid is too high;
my son will use his flipcam-
it was a Bar Mitzva gift


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Mark Suszko
Re: Production Haikus
on May 16, 2011 at 4:27:25 pm

Never ask clients
to choose cameras for you-
Flips beat reds each time


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Mark Suszko
Re: Production Haikus
on May 16, 2011 at 4:30:38 pm

Not one take is good.
The client is not concerned:
We'll fix it in post


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Mark Suszko
Re: Production Haikus
on May 16, 2011 at 4:37:10 pm

We never pay you.
We make you bring your own gear.
Welcome to Craigslist.


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Tim Wilson
Re: Production Haikus
on May 16, 2011 at 4:41:58 pm

I'll come to your house
I'll take a bat to your head
I'll bring a shotgun


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Mark Suszko
Re: Production Haikus
on May 16, 2011 at 5:31:59 pm

Tim, I am worried:
was that just playing along
or pointed critique?


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Tim Wilson
Re: Production Haikus
on May 16, 2011 at 5:31:02 pm

[Mark Suszko] "Tim, I am worried:
was that just playing along
or pointed critique?"


Who's Tim? I'm Zelin.
Playing and pointed critique
are one and the same.


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Jake Williams
Re: Production Haikus
on May 16, 2011 at 5:34:47 pm

First pass, process importer error
Try again:encoding...encoding...encoding...encoding...encoding...
Thank God for the cow

(or is that Thank Ron for the cow?)

Jake Williams


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Tim Wilson
Re: Production Haikus
on May 16, 2011 at 5:41:08 pm

Tape dead? Archive live!
Disk drives or LTO-5?
Fast, better decide!


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Tim Wilson
Re: Production Haikus
on May 16, 2011 at 5:42:49 pm

Have I ever said
how much I adore haiku?
Could do this all day.


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Jake Williams
Re: Production Haikus
on May 17, 2011 at 5:31:55 pm

Correct form (for Mike):

first pass: process import: Shit!
Again: Encode, Encode, Ah!
Thank God for the cow

Jake Williams


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walter biscardi
Re: Production Haikus
on May 16, 2011 at 6:19:37 pm

[Mark Suszko] "Not one take is good.
The client is not concerned:
We'll fix it in post"


Ding Ding Ding Ding!!!!! We have a winner! I was going to participate in this, but that is simply brilliant. It shall be immortalized on our walls.

Walter Biscardi, Jr.
Editor, Colorist, Director, Writer, Consultant, Author, Chef.
HD Post and Production
Biscardi Creative Media

Blog Twitter Facebook


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Mark Suszko
Re: Production Haikus
on May 16, 2011 at 6:57:29 pm

Tap into the id
with seventeen syllables...
My Lord, what have I done?


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Scott Roberts
Re: Production Haikus
on May 16, 2011 at 8:08:36 pm

Change green font to red?
Why that's no problem at all:
Long renders are fun!


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Tim Wilson
Re: Production Haikus
on May 16, 2011 at 9:01:54 pm

24, 60,
23.976,
59.94.


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Gav Bott
Re: Production Haikus
on May 16, 2011 at 11:59:07 pm

Unhappy with font?
Titles need to be changed.
Times new Roman......wept

The Brit in Brisbane
The Pomme in Production - Brisbane Australia.


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Mark Suszko
Re: Production Haikus
on May 17, 2011 at 2:17:03 am

This was very fun.
Next Monday we could try more.
A weekly contest?


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Tim Wilson
Re: Production Haikus
on May 17, 2011 at 4:41:53 am

Why wait til Monday?
Every day is Haiku Day
--or Skipping Work Day


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Mike Cohen
Re: Production Haikus
on May 17, 2011 at 1:31:36 pm

Render files at night,
Morning comes coffee check files,
Unknown error crashed


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Roy Schneider
Re: Production Haikus
on May 17, 2011 at 2:03:24 pm

You can just take it off line right?
The other guy does it all the time.
That will work great right?

Roy Schneider
Long Live Da Cow!


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Mark Suszko
Re: Production Haikus
on May 17, 2011 at 4:23:53 pm

Standards are key here:
Format is five-seven-five.
QC rejection.


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Tim Wilson
Re: Production Haikus
on May 17, 2011 at 6:18:34 pm

Drop frame, non-drop frame
much easier to count than
dang 5 7 5


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Mark Grossardt
Re: Production Haikus
on May 17, 2011 at 9:18:13 pm

Who in the world
has this much time on his hands?
Get to work, slackers.

Mark Grossardt
Video Editor
Clark Creative Group


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Mark Suszko
Re: Production Haikus
on May 17, 2011 at 9:55:57 pm

Terms were "net thirty".
The Big Corporation said:
"Go ahead and try".


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Bob Zelin
Re: Production Haikus
on May 18, 2011 at 3:05:18 am

bought at B&H
can't figure it out
they won't help me


version 2 -

bought on ebay
nothing works
can't finish job


version 3 -

shot with iPhone4
I am a genius
who needs RED


version 4 -

editor wanted
must supply AVID
no pay


version 5 -
Blackmagic NAB2012
new Decklink card
we pay you $199


version 6 -
Apple buys Adobe
Apple buys AVID
iMovie for everyone



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Mark Suszko
Re: Production Haikus
on May 18, 2011 at 4:01:45 am

Those are all good tries.
But they all fail Q.C., Bob.
Five, seven, five, please.


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Tim Wilson
Re: Production Haikus
on May 18, 2011 at 2:14:45 pm

Zelin plays by rules
But rules of his own making
Someone might get hurt

Having said all that,
Those may be more like koans
Zen meditations

(A day of this now
I hear the entire world
Bounce in haiku beats)


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Alan Okey
Re: Production Haikus
on May 18, 2011 at 2:32:13 pm

Indie shot on RED
Budget for post is tiny
festival next week


for Walter


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Alan Okey
Re: Production Haikus
on May 18, 2011 at 2:56:58 pm

Message from client:
"We'd like to use a new font."
"It's called Comic Sans."


Client not happy
Logo does not fill the screen
"What is title safe?"


Built-in microphone
Sound is bad; too much reverb
"You can fix it, right?"


Client is confused
4:3 on 16:9 screen
"Why do they look fat?"


Acting, script are poor
Producer says "That's OK!"
"We shot it on RED."


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Bill Davis
Re: Production Haikus
on May 19, 2011 at 3:28:45 am

Batteries should be friends
but death lurks on every
big important job.

What is the sound of
a bad microphone?
It is the sound of failure

The weather is my master
not to offend it
I must tempt the fates

shoot edit pro am I
but clients camcorder kids
get the paid gigs

"Before speaking out ask yourself whether your words are true, whether they are respectful and whether they are needed in our civil discussions."-Justice O'Conner


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Mike Cohen
Re: Production Haikus
on May 23, 2011 at 1:11:04 pm

Just read Bob's haikus
Zelin failed the haiku rules
Lock my doors at night


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Richard Herd
Re: Production Haikus
on May 18, 2011 at 4:29:26 pm

The shoot went as planned
and the actors played their roles --
so pleased to cut pic.


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Scott Roberts
Re: Production Haikus
on May 18, 2011 at 6:35:13 pm

Three hundred dollars!
Wow, Final Cut X is cheap
Don't hire high school kid


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