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Can you guys critique my 30 second commercial?

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Omar Itani
Can you guys critique my 30 second commercial?
on Nov 9, 2010 at 8:38:48 pm

I posted this in a reply to an earlier message and no one replied so i just made a new topic (hope no one minds). i was wondering if you guys could critique my commercial (only 30 seconds long). The white balance of my first couple of shots was set to fluorescent instead of sunny but i THINK i fixed it in post. please, what ever you think needs improvement, tell me. Whether it be to reshoot something or change something in post.

(please watch in HD):





PS My skies dont match up. in the conversation the skies are blue but after that the skies switch from blue to white with a tint of red. i was thinking about leaving the conversation skies blue and then change all other blue skies to match the white ones. i already tried using the color corrector to change the color but it doesnt work very well because of the clouds in the skies. i have searched the internet and this forum for a solution but have not found anything. anyone have any ideas?


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Bill Davis
Re: Can you guys critique my 30 second commercial?
on Nov 10, 2010 at 1:46:31 am

Let's see, you're hanging your creative hat on a spot that features a pair of white guys - one of whom is dressed up in a cheesy indian headdress and buckskins and sporting a lousy hollywood indian accent talking to a younger guy who looks about as un-native american as is humanly possible.

And you're concerned about the PICTURE COLOR BALANCE?

Yes, in reality this is kinda what groups like Indian Guides does for real - but society tends to give them a pass (I was joyfully an Indian Guide myself!) because the foundational function of THAT group is providing a bonding experience for dads and their sons (fathers/daughers in Indian Maidens, etc, etc.) - something almost everyone supports no matter their ethnic background.

But you're SHILLING SOFT DRINKS here. There's NO similar context to remove the sting.

Sorry, but I once owned an AD AGENCY. Ideas like this commonly get stopped by cooler heads at the table pitch stage where someone on the team of asian descent mockingly says "Hey, maybe we could make it a bit LESS culturally insensitive by making it about a couple of chinese guys who run a laundry?"

Just sayin I don't think your problem here is related to your picture quality at all.

Sorry, but you ASKED for critique, right?



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Peter Burger
Re: Can you guys critique my 30 second commercial?
on Nov 10, 2010 at 9:21:14 am

For your sky problem: There are a couple of tutorials out there for sky replacement in After Effects. What I found most useful is Andrew Kramers approach. Or just google "sky replacement".


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ronn kilby
Re: Can you guys critique my 30 second commercial?
on Nov 10, 2010 at 3:17:26 pm

Apart from the tacky visuals, unrealistic dialog, unbelievable characters, lousy pacing and lack of humor, I thought it was fine. The Pepsico Folks will wet themselves.

http://www.kilby.tv


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Peter Burger
Re: Can you guys critique my 30 second commercial?
on Nov 10, 2010 at 7:43:57 pm

I assume this commercial is a school or university project and not an actual commercial or a suggestion for a pitching. So I won't talk about good or bad ideas, things that will or won't work in the advertising world or humor (which is very subjective).

I will give you three things you may want to work on:

a) Framing of the shots
b) Try to get more rhythm into your editing
c) Color correct more precisely (or actually - sorry for that - at all) before presenting a clip.


And please, please, please: Don't take harsh criticism personal! Try to get the best out of it and work, work, work!

All the best!


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Omar Itani
Re: Can you guys critique my 30 second commercial?
on Nov 10, 2010 at 8:38:55 pm

how do you suggest i frame my shots better?
also what do you mean by (or actually-sorry for that-at all)?

thanks for your reply.


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ronn kilby
Re: Can you guys critique my 30 second commercial?
on Nov 10, 2010 at 8:42:22 pm

Composition: Rule of thirds. Leading lines. Mixture of Med-CU-wide-ECU. All part of good visual story-telling.

http://www.kilby.tv


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Peter Burger
Re: Can you guys critique my 30 second commercial?
on Nov 10, 2010 at 9:00:52 pm

What I meant, is to take more care in creating your pictures. How you place the things or persons that you want to show within your frame. I think, this forum might not be the perfect place to discuss in detail how to "build" a picture/shot. But there are a couple of great books about filming and photography out there, training DVDs, or film schools (if you are not alrady in one).

Google the keywords of Ronn's post above and you'll find plenty of information, that you can try to work with in your next projects.

When I wrote...
"Color correct more precisely (or actually - sorry for that - at all) before presenting a clip."
... I made a not very nice remark, that your colour correction was no "correction" at all - and I apologized for that remark in the same sentence.

All the best and keep working!


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Omar Itani
Re: Can you guys critique my 30 second commercial?
on Nov 10, 2010 at 11:16:21 pm

thanks peter.


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Peter Burger
Re: Can you guys critique my 30 second commercial?
on Nov 10, 2010 at 11:33:20 pm

Glad if I helped a bit


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