movin' the gear home
man, I was kinda excited to be moving the Avid home. Last week our power at home got knocked out by a storm for a week and the family and I camped out at the studio. I had nothing but time and it dawned on me that I'll be ditching everything in the studio. The things on the walls, the desks, groovy couches, the fridge, the kicthen table, rugs, even the big screen and the plasma. I knew this before hand but really soaking it in felt different. Smelled like defeat, really.
What is it with artists that make us seem to have to move on every few years? I have to say my reason for closing up shop is sheer boredom. Same work over and over. What was once exciting had become makin' the donuts once again. I have no reason to believe the very show I am trying to create right now won't be the same in three years time. Is this what is meant every time I am accused of having a scortching case of ADD? How on earth could that be the case when I can sit in a non-stop session for 36 hours straight? Is it still a form of ladder-climbing that I am unfamiliar with? I am reaching onward and upward but not in the name of conquering. It's really in the name of boredom. And, how can a good man let his finances/family well-being get so upside down because of somthing as small as boredom? Is boredom really as small thing afterall?
The way I see it, as the bread-winner of the family it's my job to bring home the beacon no matter what. Suck it up when I have to. At the same time, I owe it to myself to my wife and to my children to come home perky and cheerful and that was geting harder and harder to do as I felt like I was decaying away in a little dark room making the same videos over and over again.
I look back at my career and ya know what? I have never worked at a single place longer than 3 years. Thats my record. 3 years and I shove off. I ask, is this a good thing or a bad thing? Leaving because I can no longer offer my best and going to a place I can be passionate about again, finally opening my own studio and then hating being a boss, doing it solo and then getting tired of the very clietele that keeps me afloat then persuing huge dreams of my own rather than network to replace that clientele. I'm either a hell-bent perfectionist with a never ending tenasity or I'm a freakin idiot. Jury is still out.
Couple thoughts poppin into my head.
1. The grass is always greener....or grinner in your case.
2. When I started on u-matic tape, my goal was to become a 1" editor, then it was to do music videos, then it was long form, now it's feature films. It's the nature of man and all living things to grow, to reach for something greater. We can get into a rut, and even a good comfortabel rut is still a rut. Generally, a rut is something we all want to get out of.
3. Maybe your motivation has always been to get out of what you are in because of the things you don't like about it, rather than going into something that you love because of the things you love about it. Everything has it's pluses and negatives. Figure out what you want and not what you don't want.
And finally, here are some quotes of wisdom.
"To do is to be." - Kant
"To be is to do." - Nietsche
"Do be do be do." - Sinatra
"And I still haven't found what I'm looking for." - Bono
Hi there ,
I don't think is a bad thing moving on to to the next goal.
As creative people we all need our brains to be stimulated all the time so when we find ourselves doing the same thing over and over we can become so miserable that we have to change environment.I have an attention span longer then Grin :4 years :)
I quit jobs that people would give an arm and a leg for but when I felt that I cannot give anymore to the companies I worked for (and I cannot learn anymore from them either) I left and looked for the next experience,I even moved to another country learn a new language start from the bottom.
It always worked out.
I have been doing this for 20 years, and loved every minute of it!!!!
The "Art of Editing" is this too: pushing buttons, learn new technology is not enough: our education came also from our life experiences, from what we read, from the art and the films that we see and from the music that we listen.
So Grin do NEVER give up your dreams, and if you do, might as well sell Insurance or get a day job you will be dead inside in no time,
I am not sure that you family will like to see you being that way.
My 2 cents
ADHD? Oh, GREAT, ANOTHER format to learn to shoot in!
Seriously, if you think you have one of the "flavors" of Attention Deficit, there are self-evaluation quizzes you can do on the web, anonymously. I tried that once, after finding out my boys have it, and turns out I have always had a touch of it, but never got diagnosed or prescribed anything for it, just managed to create coping mechanisms to live with it, leverage it. "High functioning". But it created a lot of childhood unhappiness and unpleasantness I'd rather not have to put my kids thru. I can only imagine how much more awesome a career I might have had if I'd had the option of modern meds back then. I was dead-set against them in the beginning, but have seen marvels accomplished with careful and well-informed application. Anyway, you may well have it, with or without the hyperactivity component, and one of the things you get from it is a laser-like, Rainman-like focus on something, if you really LIKE it. For everything else, meh, not so much. In me that manifests as sloppiness with paperwork and filing.
Considering this, my job fits my needs like a glove: plenty of variety, moving from one kind of work to another, writing, directing, producing, editing, shooting, animating, whatever. And each program or subject we work on is different enough to keep my interest and add to my store of trivia. From how to land a twin-engined plane at night to how to plant no-till beans and corn. I've had this same job 21 years now, got many reasons I didn't try harder to move up, one is I'm definitely a risk-averse person now that I'm a family man. I no longer jump to volunteer for aerials hanging out of choppers with the door off and no harness.
Anyway, I read your lament with interest. I noticed something.
Most guys your age seem to attempt to solve this wanderlust problem with a blonde and/or a convertible. Or risky dabbling in derivatives and day trading or Rogaine. But let me put on my fake Doctor Phil moustache for a sec, and point out to you that, of all the business changes you made over time, that didn;t seem to "fix" the itch, you were still always left with one particular constant.
You see him when you brush your teeth.
It may not be fair to expect the work alone to make you happy o complete, of itself, though that's always to be desired. Are you sure *you're* happy with *yourself* ? Maslovian Heirarchy of Needs, etc. Maybe unresolved issues from the surgery a while back? Could be many things.
This has gotten pretty personal, so before I overstep any more boundaries, let me just say I wish you the best and hope you can work this out either on a business or personal level. You have been a presence on these pages so long I feel like we're same-block neighbors, is why I was so forward to say this stuff.
So, SNAP OUT OF IT and GBTW!!! :-)
I think that there are those of us who conquer and those of us who administrate. The conquerors take the risks and the administrators make the bank deposits, those who venture forth at great personal peril have personas that are the envy of the meek and those that simply maintain status quo have a lifestyle that explorers wish to have-for their families. Some of us take out 100's of thousands of dollars in loans for gear that won't be worth what we paid for it in a week and we pay it off through infrequent, intense projects that we take part in because of our creativity and some of us do the exact same thing every day and have never bee late on a car or house payment.
If the heart and head agree on one direction, the the soul seems satisfied. If they disagree, whichever is denied seems to never shut up. If we follow our dreams, we notice that our families share in that unstable lifestyle and our head reminds us that there are more conservative paths...if we get a desk job and a 401K with a tri-level in the suburbs, our heart questions what we "could" have been for the rest of our lives...
Some of the entrepeneurs I worry the most about are the ones who decide, after having most of the fight sucked out of them by a lifetime of routine and security, quit their jobs and start up on their own to seek their destiny. Too often it ends up being like dropping a house cat off in the Congo...
After 19 years in the business, I had the first industry position offered to me that I ever seriously considered...a large, monolithic brand in our industry would like me to join the team. It was gratifying certainly, but I thought about it and realized that I get to be company guy/ex-director/editor, blah blah awards, blah blah career only for a while. When comany X decides that the division I work in isn't profitable enough and they want me to move to LA or New York or Japan or whatever...or simply lay me off...now where am I? I guess I'm either a director/editor guy who has been "out of the loop" for a while or I'm just another laid off company guy looking for a new spot to be a company guy...for a different company...in whatever place they decide to put me...and my family.
It's a tough call. I have a wife and a 7 and a 12 year old...I'm the primary income.
When do I grow up and get a "real" job? How do I keep from becoming the monster or the mouse I'll most likely turn into if I do?
Maybe survival skills and vision trump fences and hiding places for ultimate security.
Maybe I'm rationalizing my own irrational decisions...
If I had the answer Grin, I'd email you a link. Believe me.
Creative Cow Host,
aaahhh, thank you all for your responses. I enjoyed them.
Truth is, if there were a manual to life, I'd toss it like I do every other manual. This is what exploration and discovery are. I don't know what I'ma be when I grow up but I 'magine I'll be grinnin'.