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Furious 7: The Most Furious of The Fast Movies

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Scott Roberts
Furious 7: The Most Furious of The Fast Movies
on Apr 6, 2015 at 3:00:48 pm







I did *not* particularly enjoy the last movie in this franchise. I thought the action scenes were long and fatiguing, I thought the plot made no sense, and I thought they wrapped it up in too stupid of a bow. Plus all the actors seemed like they didn't want to be there. It felt like a step backwards from the insanity of Fast Five, which was also really dumb, but I didn't hate it nearly as much. So enter Furious 7, a sort of positive note for the franchise; where it kept all the good stuff reasonably insane, and all the boring stuff relatively short.

It's quite simply just an entertaining movie. NOS-powered, turtle-waxed escapism, if you will. It's not really a *good* movie, exactly, but that's just my opinion. But whenever something was exploding or something else was going really fast, I was very adequately entertained. It's well made from an action movie standpoint, and not dull or overly complex from a screenplay standpoint. And if you're a fan of women's butts, (director) James Wan made sure to walk around the set with a steadicam aimed waist-high in every situation when bikinis or thongs were present.

It helps that all of the potentially boring non-explodey/non-vroom-vroom-fast-car scenes are made exponentially less boring by Vin Diesel's presence in the film. Once again, he appeared to take a daily bath in a tub of NeverWet liquid repellant every morning before coming to the set, to ensure that the absolute minimum amount of stains could appear on his skin or clothes, despite the circumstances his character goes through. But it's that voice, and that delivery, oh my god... I could listen to Vin Diesel play Dom Toretto all day. It makes every thing he says, no matter how straightforward or serious, sound like a guy attempting to play a tuba into a vat of chocolate pudding. And it cracks me up every time. Some of those slower scenes certainly were *theoretically* boring, but Diesel provides just the right amount of Stallone quality garbling to keep me entertained. His terrible acting made me laugh, and laughter helped me stay focused on the movie, I'm saying. Also, why does he hold all his beers around the neck of the bottle?

On the opposite side of our indecipherable hero is Jason Statham's villain character, who appears to have wandered in from an entirely different film; namely one where immortal and indestructible day-walking vampires roam the Earth. Furious 7's Stath simply cannot be destroyed. He also has the Jason Vorhees-like ability to teleport literally anywhere that Toretto's crew happens to be, despite a complete lack of logical information as to where they would be. There's a scene where it takes the Toretto crew an elaborate, multi-million dollar plan to drop five GPS-guided parachute cars onto a remote mountain road at an exact right moment to catch a van holding a hostage, that needed to be pulled off with the utmost precision to work. Five minutes into that scene, Jason Statham just SHOWS UP, and he's driving an even more expensive, even more awesome car! How did *he* get on that hidden road? Did he jump out of a plane, too? How did he know where and when Dom's crew would be there? I feel like I'd really want these questions to be answered if I were watching a movie that I really cared about, but the truth is that The Stath is probably the best thing to happen to the Fast & Furious franchise in a long time, so I won't bother questioning it. Stath on, you crazy vampire.

There's a lot of things to complain about, and even more things to nitpick with this movie. Tyrese Gibson's comic relief character has never been funny (to me). They don't need to make literally 100% of his lines a joke. It's going too far. I hate that character so much. He was awful in the last movie, and he's just kind of grating in this one…

…Ya know what...? There's probably a hundred logic flaws in this movie, and I don't think there's any point in even acknowledging them. Plus, I'm in kind of a good mood today, so I'd rather just celebrate this franchise's insanity, and leave it at that. So here's a bunch of random things that were hilariously great about this stupid, entertaining movie (in no particular order):

-Dwayne Johnson flexes out of a cast, and then resets his own bones because he has somewhere to be, and can't be waiting around for some dumb injury to heal.

-On two separate occasions, Vin Diesel and Jason Statham have 80 mph head-on collisions and then get out of their cars as if that wasn't a big deal, just to initiate fist fights.

-Vin Diesel lifts a car up for four minutes because they didn't have a tire jack handy. No biggie.

-Vin Diesel tries to smash a tombstone with a sledgehammer. He keeps this sledgehammer in his trunk at all times, by the way. (But don't we all?)

-A character jumps out of one speeding car window into the window of a different, drifting, speeding car; in a split second, unplanned move that in reality would have definitely cut the person in half. Lucky it was executed in ultra slow motion. PHEW!

-Iggy Azalea (took me three attempts to spell her last name correctly) has an unimportant cameo for some reason. She's so fancy.

-I had no idea ahead of time that Tony Jaa was in this movie, and it was a very welcome surprise. He rules. He only has two words of dialogue, but he has enough knee and elbow smashes to last a lifetime.

-Dom Toretto wore a tank top to his own wedding!

-There was a cameo scene from the Fast & Furious 3: Tokyo Drift crew, where the three main cast members appear to be held at gunpoint to pull off the scene, based on the lack of enthusiasm in their line deliveries. But what's important about this is that the scene officially makes Tokyo Drift part of the F&F canon! GOOD, BECAUSE THAT'S THE BEST ONE! EAT IT, H8TERS!



I guess I should mention the whole Paul Walker tribute at the end... It was nice. The way the script was written, it seemed like they were going to retire his character from the start anyway, regardless of Paul Walker's real life fate. But it was a fitting tribute to a guy who basically made his entire career off of these movies. I wasn't bawling my eyes out like some people I've read about, but I felt some emotion for sure, if not just because it's pretty sad that such a handsome man is now in heaven.

But all in all, Furious 7 was one of the best executed movies of this franchise. I've been waiting for them to have a decent villain with non-boring storyline bridges in between the stunts for years, and I think they finally did it. Good for them.

I DON'T HAVE MOVIE RATING SCORES. I HAVE FAMILY.



Just kidding, I'd probably give it like an 8 out of 10.


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Mark Suszko
Re: Furious 7: The Most Furious of The Fast Movies
on Apr 6, 2015 at 6:31:39 pm

+1 for the last line. Enjoy your next quarter mile of freedom. I just finished with Lent, so I thought this movie was about getting back to furiously enjoying chocolate and soda again.


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Stephen Smith
Re: Furious 7: The Most Furious of The Fast Movies
on Apr 13, 2015 at 5:48:15 pm

I loved Fast 5 and enjoyed this film as well. First off, this movie adds a nitro turbo boost to "logic flaws" and that is what the Fast and Furious franchise is. You go to a Fast and Furious movie to be entertained by cool action.

[Scott]
…Ya know what...? There's probably a hundred logic flaws in this movie, and I don't think there's any point in even acknowledging them.

-Vin Diesel lifts a car up for four minutes because they didn't have a tire jack handy. No biggie.


I wasn't upset by that, what upset me is that Dom (Vin Diesel) sawed off his shotgun. Sawed-off shotguns are illegal. Breaking the law is not cool Dom, not cool. :-)

Plus I'll point out that on IMDB in the Trivia section it was pointed out the the Dubi building jump was CG.....really?

[Scott]
The way the script was written, it seemed like they were going to retire his character from the start anyway, regardless of Paul Walker's real life fate.

The last two movies ended the same way. Paul Walker keeps getting forced back into the game to protect his family. They could have milked that for another three films and I bet they would have. Once he died midway through filming they debated on the best way to end the film and I really like what they did. I was really happy with his car color and what they did.

I was concerned that I was going to be distracted by wondering if in this or that scene had the real Paul Walker or a CG version but I thought they did a great job. This movie kicked number 6's butt and I'm glad I got to see it on the big screen. This is a fun ride and worth checking out.

Stephen Smith

Utah Video Productions

Check out my Vimeo page


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Jeff Breuer
Re: Furious 7: The Most Furious of The Fast Movies
on Apr 28, 2015 at 3:04:40 pm

[Stephen Smith] "I loved Fast 5 and enjoyed this film as well."

I'm with you Stephen. Fast Five was my fave (yea, I just said that). I see the F&F series the same way I saw the Expendables. Sometimes we crave watching a bad 80's action movie. Arnold Vinny lifts up a car Sly Rocky shoots a pile of grenades hanging from a helicopter. What made 7 fun was that they pulled out ALL the stops. At one of the writing sessions a clever (or terrible) writer said, "Hey, screw reality. Let's write the worse, overly dramatic dialogue and take it seriously, just like the action scenes!" The drama was hideous, gloriously hideous!

Honestly I was expecting them to kill of Paul's character (though not in a car) and have the crew avenge the death of their family. The idea to end it the way they did was wonderful. I could not have loved the idea to bring closure to his story that way any more. It's as close as this franchise will ever get to classy. I was really going in ready to call out the CG Paul, but couldn't do it. Wow. That's all I can saw, wow.


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Stephen Smith
Re: Furious 7: The Most Furious of The Fast Movies
on Apr 29, 2015 at 3:29:30 pm

Here is my list of worst to best Fast and Furious films:

TWO Fast TWO Furious (Furious 2): How in the world did this film not destroy the whole franchise. Seriously, after watching this you'll wonder how they even got to a Furious 7. Worst part of the film, the cops have EMP launchers that can turn the electrical parts of the car off so you can't get away from the coppers.

Tokyo Drift (Furious 3): At the time of the film being released this movie had nothing to do with the franchise and introduced a whole new set of characters. The opening of the film is fun with the car race between the main character and the oldest kid on Home Improvement. Lets just say Tim The Tool Man Taylor won't be have with his kids racing performance.

The Fast and The Furious (Furious 1): This movie is about great drivers robbing trucks in the craziest way you could. It would just be easier to rob the driver at a truck stop but that wouldn't make for a good film. This film is Point Break but with cars.

Fast and Furious 6 (Furious 6): This movie has lots of great action but takes the ridiculous and straps turbo busters on it. The ending scene is a car plane cash on a runaway and it last about 30 minutes. In the same amount of time you could probably fly from Salt Lake City to Las Vegas. And the EMPs are back!

Fast and Furious (Furious 4): This film is what sets up 5-7 and is worth checking out.

Furious 7 (Furious 7): Although the action is still ridiculous this is a "fun ride". They introduce the toughest and most dangerous bad guy they have ever come up against.

Fast 5 (Furious 5): This is still the best film in the franchise! This is the film that made me love the movies. It had an Italian Job type vibe that worked well. The action is great and they set a record for the most destroyed cars. Although the action is "ridiculous" you believe they can pull it off by the end of the film because it is so well put together. If you haven't ever seen this film it is a must watch.

Stephen Smith

Utah Video Productions

Check out my Vimeo page


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