I think you've made a good start. There are some nice ideas. Now you have to start working on your execution.
The reel is MUCH too long. It doesn't have to be as long as the song. I'd keep it under a minute. Pick 4 or 5 of your strongest ideas and really massage them.
For example, I like the shot where the golf ball breaks the sky. But it looks cartoony right now. Find out what real cracks in shattered glass look like. Research it on the web or better yet find a window you can break and shoot it breaking and then analyze it frame by frame until you understand how it works. Massage the shot until it looks absolutely real. Then move on to the next one. I would aim for quality over quantity.
Find vfx shots you admire and try and duplicate them. Become a student of the entire process. Beg borrow and steal all the information you possibly can about the industry. Identify techniques and master them. Question your fellow Cows relentlessly until you thoroughly understand the how things are done. Invent new ways. Aim to surpass anything that has been done before.
I was just looking at a short film made with a dv camera by a (professional) digital matte painter. It's awesome, especially when you consider that the live actiion portion was shot with a standard dv camera. You'll find it by going to: http://www.dusso.com/
Pretty long. I felt that each segment could have been shortened. After a few seconds, you start to get the idea. If it's an idea reel, then maybe the length is ok. But if the idea of the reel is to introduce youself, sell yourself, and showcase how good you are, make it shorter.