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max hoffmann
Two spec commercials
on Nov 12, 2005 at 5:04:27 pm

I just finished two spec commercials for a young director.
Both shot on 35mm MOS, edited offline on FCP 5.
Please tell me if they work or not.
Thank you,

Max

LINKS

http://www.everythingmax.com/ikea.html
http://www.everythingmax.com/blackberry.html

Max Hoffmann


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person
Re: Two spec commercials
on Nov 12, 2005 at 11:46:53 pm

i think these could use some clarification and simplification. not sure what the concept is for ikea spot. is it a junk mail problem? not sure what ikea has to do with this. the first few shots of the black berry spot are filmed really nicely, and cut very nicely. but not liking the film so much on the closer up stuff with the principle talent. the exchange between the skate boarder and the guy in the box has way to many cuts and is anti clamactic in helping the concept come through with the reveal of the guy in the box. try something simpler.

the endings of both spots with the logo animation are weak and don't really tie things up. the music and/or logo is fading too slowly.

sorry for the negative feedback. not sure if these are finished, or if you are still cutting. but i would try something simpler for the black berry ending. not sure what to do about the ikea spot to make it more understandable.


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max Hoffmann
Re: Two spec commercials
on Nov 13, 2005 at 2:21:55 am

thanks. i had problems with them. there was no script. director felt very uninspired shooting blackberry. ikea has the basic idea to be competitive to other junk mails. also no script and text. thanks again.


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Rich Rubasch
Re: Two spec commercials
on Nov 13, 2005 at 1:20:37 am

Ditto person's comments. Also, did you have the permission from the Tubes for the song on Blackberry? Personally I didn't get either spot. Other than reloading the page, how do you replay a flash video with no controller? Man, I'm hating that flash video stuff. Give me my controller back.

No, I don't think they work.

At all.

Sorry.

But I do like your stuff, Max...

Rich Rubasch
Tilt Media


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max Hoffmann
Re: Two spec commercials
on Nov 13, 2005 at 2:24:16 am

no they're qucktimes no flash. both a re specs so music rights are not an issue ( ithink so, but not sure). unfortunately the box wasn't filmed or staged enough to make it happen. thanks. ishould try another version.


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person
Re: Two spec commercials
on Nov 13, 2005 at 3:14:50 am

you can adjust the window size to include the quicktime controllers, unless you give them properties to have no controllers. they look like flash video only because there are no controllers.

since they are specs spots, music rights isn't a huge issue since they won't air. though the tubes could come after you. the most they usually do is a cease and desist. good luck on the revisions. ikea's junk mail better than others? hmm strange idea. i think the blackberry spot has more potential to work over the ikea spot and look good as well. i think it would make more sense for the ikea spot if the idea was the guy was doing some spring cleaning and making room from his cluttered house for new furniture. something like "time for a trip to ikea. spring fever has set in." or something better stated.

good luck


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max Hoffmann
Re: Two spec commercials
on Nov 13, 2005 at 6:40:23 am

thanks again. that's a good idea. the director palnned just the ikea logo at the end, so i'd try to make some sense. but you're right. dod you think i should make some graphics/motion editing to emphasize the box/cube in the blackberry?
their standard logo is: thinging outside the box.
Max


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person
Re: Two spec commercials
on Nov 13, 2005 at 4:39:35 pm

okay, i think i figured out a solution to the ikea ad. make it a leaf blower ad. guy walks in, puts his mail down, pov shot of the messy room, close up of him thinking, cut directly to him either pulling the rip cord and blowing or directly to blowing the mess. don't show too much of him blowing the mess because the point is made quickly. cut to a the logo "xyz leaf blowers" static and under it with a 10 frame fade up "made to be used" or something like that. don't worry about time on this. if it turns out to be a 15 second spot then so be it. you have to think of commercials as quick jokes and/or stories with clever messaging. to linger on things is deadly unless it's funny to do so.

on the blackberry spot. don't show the guy in the box until the very end. it's confusing to see a guy at a computer with obvious exterior location imagery around him. it tips the hat too soon and is confusing. make it about how cool it is to be able to use the blackberry while doing an activity like skateboarding. and to prove this point we reveal the guy in the box in wide shot. i like seeing this box and the guy in it in the wide. it's funny. after you establish the situation then do an exchange between the skate boarder and the guy in the box via ms's and cu's (with proper facial expressions) and see that the skate boarder is in a much better situation than the boxed guy. cut to guy in box standing up and hitting his head. skate boarder skates off, then quickly cut to blackberry logo static, with 10 second fade up below it saying "made to move" or something like this. the 'think outside box' line is best left to the storytelling/medaphor. no need to say it. also on this one, you might try a fun bed of music under the skateboarding sequence with the sound design. something hip, cool, and fun to support how sweet it is to do what he is doing. then when we show the wide shot of the guy in the box the music either stops or dips to a beat that is low and supports the oddity of this guy in the box. cut back to up beat cool part of the bed when you show the logo to make a full circle.

keep the logos and tag lines simple. static with simple fade ups for the tag line. leave any designy stuff to real designers. usually cutting to the logo on a solid color can work for comedy much better than super over live action. it's makes a harder turn to the point. there are situations where it can work over visual in nice subtle way. so maybe look at both and pick the most effective.

hope this helps.


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max hoffmann
Re: Two spec commercials
on Nov 13, 2005 at 11:43:09 pm

thank you so much. you rock. I had the same idea with the leaf blower, but director wanted to be an ikea spot. i am making no money on those and will turn them into my versions. thanks. let you know what happens.
Max

Max Hoffmann


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person
Re: Two spec commercials
on Nov 14, 2005 at 2:00:59 am

please do. of course the director would prefer to have the name ikea over xyz leaf blower, but he will soon learn that the concept wins over clients. doesn't matter if it's for ikea or the like. strong concepts always win.


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Trevor Ward
Re: Two spec commercials
on Nov 14, 2005 at 10:47:39 pm

I agree. I don't get either one.


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