First, let start out by saying that I am in no way an expert or anything like that. I am just an amateur video guy who comes here for inspiration and to admire the works of others.
That being said, I really liked your demo. Music plays a huge role in whether I enjoy a presentation or not. At first, I thought the music was an updated version of Cat People by David Bowie, then realized that I was wrong. I liked the way the tempo started out slow with the sunrise/sunset shots of the oil rig. Then the tempo picked up and seemed to be pretty well timed to the video clips. When the tempo slowed down, so did my interest. Again, this is probably just me.
In the first portion, near the front, there is a drumbeat break that just begs for cutaways. I tried all kinds of stuff in there, but the visuals just went by too fast to make any sense, and doing it on that break meant that I should do it to all others in the track, so I just stayed away from it.
The second "slower" section allows me to have a bit more time with the "money shots", and enables me to include some pans and fast-motion stuff.
Nice job! I have to agree with Al about the pacing of the piece. It seemed like a great piece that didn't know when to end. If you ended after the first (faster tempo) section you would be fine. I telling your story you have let the viewer know the various aspects of oil drilling and that you can shoot aerial, industrial and other type of images that show throughout this piece. What if it started slow with the money shots showing for a few seconds and faded to black and build up the excitement to suck your viewer in. I looked away at teh TV after the first section adn that was where your "Money Shots" are and when you want your viewers watching. Use the same images and try moving them around with some different background tracks.