Hm, I didn't know Maya leaned on the GPU this heavily with simple operations like split. I have noticed that the split tool usually works just fine. It's when the topology is severely messed up that the tool starts to malfunction. Coincidentally, that's when I need the split tool most.
I've managed to get the results I needed regardless of these issues, but it could've been so much easier.
Unfortunately for me, the agency I work for has recently switched to Cinema4D as the primary 3D software, since I was the only non-Cinema user left. So I doubt my boss is going to support Maya with any resources (such as a Maya compatible GPU). I can still use Maya for modeling, but not for texturing/rendering.
Guess I'll have to start a major production studio.
Thanks for your help!
http://www.fireinthesole.com/