Apple creates a Phenomenon

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Munedawg Newzdroid: "Apple is a Phenomenon at IBC"

The usually sedate European press became whipped into a media frenzy today when Apple, Inc. surprised everyone by storming the trade show floor in a Bondian motorized booth/tank which literally blew away the competition. Apple CEO Steve Jobs treated attendees to an impromptu keynote presentation when he emerged from the gleaming black and pink contraption in some sort of hover-segue, flanked by scantily-clad robo-girlz emblazoned with the ubiquitous glowing Apple logo. After imbibing copious quantities of iKool-Aid, gawking onlookers we given the first peek of Apple's new Phenomenon compositing software, which amazingly comes in seven chromatic flavors: Lime, Blueberry, Tangerine, Lemon, Strawberry, Grape, and Chocolate-mint. "Damn, these pups are tasty," enthused director Steven Spielberg, vowing to use the Chocolate-mint version for his next blockbuster feature film, a remake of UN CHIEN ANDALOU starring Keanu Reaves and Jodie Foster. Jobs then mesmerized the rapt throng by unveiling iPhenomenon Nano, a truly unique twist to the compositing paradigm which incredibly can run on a large selection of iPods as well as the new 3G iPhone, allowing weary visual Fx staff to get all their work done while relaxing on the sunny beaches of the French Riveria or the Isle of Wight. In a further demonstration of Apple's technological prowess, Jobs then punched in a secret code which unlocked the true DiamondExtreme graphics engine of the iPhone, which then projected a 3D holographic display of a true node-tree, which floated above the stunned multitude like a 21st century Yggdrasil. "This surely places us amongst the gods," burbled Apple's Chief Scientist of Secret Projects, Mark Miwerds. "The Foundry, Eyeon, Autodesk ain't got nothin' on this stuff," concluded a giddy Jobs. When pressed by eager reporters, Jobs admitted that he and his team managed to make such a quantum leap beyond their competition by doing just that. "We've been in a secret partnership with CERN and earlier this year we first fired up their Super Hadron Collider and managed to punch a hole in the space/time continuum, creating a traversable wormhole into another dimension in which we were able to procure the talents of some amazing alien scientists." When Miwerds was asked on how Apple plans on topping this show-stopper, he glibly admitted that a "real Time Machine" was in the works, "not that wimpy piece of crap included in Leopard" and that we could all look forward to some "pretty cool people on the Board of Directors." Jobs just smiled mysteriously and hinted that "Attila" was a "pretty groovy dude" once you got to know him and that "Nefertiti" threw "a damn good party."